We'll cut off our noses to spite our faces, rather than let someone else get the upper hand.

No guts, no glory, as they say in the classics.

So I'd like to proffer poor old Malcolm Turnbull this piece of advice.

Defect to the ALP.

I must admit that as a journo this cheeky thought has a particular appeal.

Unlikely though it is, my blood is racing at the thought of such an extraordinary and controversial event.

It would be the political story of the decade the leader of the federal Opposition defecting to the Government to spite his disloyal backbenchers before they knifed him in the back. We'd be writing for weeks.

Then, just for good measure, he could challenge Kev for the top job.

My tongue may be planted firmly in my cheek at the moment, but stranger things have happened.

And if you think about it, Malcolm's more right-wing ALP than left-wing Liberal.

He's a republican, he lives in the 21st century, not the 1950s and he hasn't got his head stuck in the sand about climate change.

Which is the issue that really got me thinking about Malcolm and fuelled the desire to impart a bit of good old-fashioned advice about the benefits of pig-headedness.

His backbenchers are trying to turn him into a lame duck leader by refusing to back his proposal to negotiate with the Government on its emissions trading scheme, rather than risk a double dissolution and further electoral humiliation.

Malcolm's already shown his mettle by telling them if they don't back him up, he'll quit.

And if that isn't enough, surely last week's unseemly factional brawl which erupted in Mitchell MP Alex Hawke's office is a sign of a party that's in so much turmoil it's consigning itself to a long period of opposition.

So Malcolm, for what it's worth, give your disloyal colleagues the flick and go over to the dark, oops, green side.

Headline writers across Australia will thank you and so will the environment.

pmacgraw@fairfa xmedia.com.au.